Someone once said, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, when you figure out which it is, you’ll know exactly what to do”. I’ll admit, whoever that someone was, is a smart person with some great wisdom.   It’s very true that people come into our lives for a multitude of reasons, sometimes we grasp why, and other times it’s a bit ambiguous. This happens even more in the technology age where it’s easy to click “Add Friend” and one can be veiled by the computer screen when initiating conversation with people you have never had a face-to-face meeting with before.   The social media networks keep us connected and engaged with family and friends who we don’t get to see as often as we would like [especially right now, while we sit in lockdown] as they may live half a world away from us. But from the list of “Friends and Followers” how many of them are meaningful relationships that we have forged and will stand the test of time?

In reading an article this week, it talked about the long-term relationships that men should forge as they develop and get older. The personal and professional relationships whose contact information should be in your preverbal Rolodex, who you can call on when needed, and provide a lasting impact on your life.  This made me wonder if I had made the benchmark on these lists, and where I fell short, I should endeavor to ensure they are added.

On the professional side, it suggested you should know a Lawyer, Accountant (Banker), Barber, Butcher, Tailor, Auto Mechanic, Handyman, Wizened Neighbor, and both a Spiritual and Career Mentor. It seems I fared well with a score of 80% on knowing someone who I could call upon in that profession for advice or services. Some I have built more lasting relationships and would say friendships have been built, but I also realized I don’t know a handyman [other than Google], or a butcher.  

Then on the personal side of this preverbal Rolodex, you should have approximately three mentors in your life. A Mentor is defined as having experience and wisdom to give us sound guidance, direction, and advice. Someone that you look up to or admire and not necessarily need to be older than us but has his life together a bit more and lives their life in a way we really admire, but not someone who is exactly like you.  This is where I seem to struggle a bit more mostly in defining and labeling who is a mentor to me.  I have friends and acquaintances that I thrive on knowledge and advice from time-to-time based on what I know are their strengths, mentors in their own right of course. But to pick three that would be a lifelong mentor I struggle to be able to.

Additionally, I have noted that I categorize my friendship into three circles which helps me to keep track of the relationship I have forged. That first circle is very much like a consul, as it encompasses close family and carful selected friends for whom I hold in high regard, who provide advice and guidance and share many of the same views as I do.  They are the battle buddies and the people with which I speak with on the most regular basis and have lifelong relationships. Rank and fortune play no part in determining who is within this circle as it’s solely based on the bond we have built as humans. I must be as just as confident to them as they are to me.

That second circle, which lays at arms reached away in that what I call the middle temple of extended family and friends which I have spent time building a relationship and keeping in contact on a regular basis. We know each other well, share a common interest in our hobbies or organizational afflation.  There is one last circus, just beyond, which spans the distance of people who are friends but that I don’t necessarily have an in-depth relationship with. We are friends, and when we see each other or cross paths we interact, but it’s not a regular occurrence. We may interact through social media or periodically be involved in the same organization together.

As I move forward I find that I am starting to evaluate more who I have placed in those first two circles of the consul and middle temple, and why they have been so placed. Is it to fill a need for numbers or are these meaningful lifelong or seasonal friendships.

“When you need encouragement, think of the qualities the people around you have: this one’s energy, that one’s modesty, another’s generosity, and so on. Nothing is as encouraging as when virtues are visibly embodied in the people around us, when we’re practically showered with them. It’s good to keep this in mind.”

My time is up and I thank you for yours.